Songs from The Placeholder Story
01 The Autumn Ahead
cure me or kill me, but nothing in between
I Wish I Could Say I Broke Your Heart
02 One of Our Reflections
03 The Stars
04 Denial
05 A Little Heartache
06 Earth Day
07 Shadow Walking
08 I Wish I Could Say I Broke Your Heart
09 Umbrella
10 Guy Fawkes on the Highway
11 Gilded
12 Gift Horses
13 Ballerina
I’m not in need of placation
I’ve never been the kind of fool who says just what he means
but now it’s like I’m on vacation
if there’s a gulf between us, I’ll try my best to swim it
and win you over with kisses
your eyes are so blue, it’s like they’re past the legal limit
if that’s not the truth, I know this is
I’ll brace myself for the autumn ahead
and try not to think about the days we won’t have
I’ll scare the ghost of an imaginary you
because it lingers and wanders where it’s no longer wanted
why can’t it be the one that’s haunted?
of soft grass and sunlight, you can’t say enough
I’ll hold you as long as you’ll let me
from sweet rain and snowfall, you only stand up
and put out the challenge, “come and get me”
I’ll brace myself for the autumn ahead
and try not to think about the days we won’t have
I’ll scare the ghost of an imaginary you
because it lingers and wanders where it’s no longer wanted
why can’t it be the one that’s haunted?
I’m not afraid, it just takes some getting used to
it’s done now for good, and wondering how just makes me more nervous
I’ll brace myself for the autumn ahead
and try not to think about the days that we won’t have
I’ll live without an imaginary you
those phone calls and letters were never like touching
never like being there
back to top
layered and brown and tossed to the side
the smell of your hair is getting me high
I’m only a boy who doesn’t know why
playing hard to forget makes you hard to deny
there has to be more than what I see here
you say, “make it louder,” but I don’t hear
you made it so easy to be this sincere
but your hands are too small to cover my fear
so, so, so much time has passed
one of our reflections is dead
the moment the present becomes the past
you’re finding a way inside my head
under the clouds and afraid of the sun
I’ve made it so hard to relate to anyone
Parisian hotel and a replica gun
the trigger was pulled but the race wasn’t run
tie a string on your finger and remember that belle
your face in the mirror, the lie I can’t tell
the way you’re repeating the name I can’t spell
maybe I’m good for you, maybe you are as well
so, so, so much time has passed
one of our reflections is dead
the moment the present becomes the past
you’re finding a way inside my head
color guard your heart
before you give someone the chance
to do to you what you wanted to do to me
no time for questions, we’ve got to find the heart
have to keep moving, even in the dark
or what we’re looking at is a dead shark
reducing our life to a parting remark
the problems I have, you weren’t able to solve
I don’t sleep enough and I don’t return your calls
you’re looking at the mirror like you’re waiting to dissolve
I might have been nearer if you’d loved me at all
back to top
home is where you walk a line
between too excited to sleep
and bored out of your open mind
can’t predict what kind of weather
they’re having in Spain tomorrow
that’s not really my area
but if all the clouds combine to get out of the way
and if the stars align, well then what would you say
if I told you that you’re everything
I should have been looking for
back when I was looking for the sure thing
what kind of vagrant heart is it
that’s headed where you’re going
and still won’t carry you
and could it possibly be that you’ve spoken every word
that either in waking hours or dreams I have ever heard
folding paper to pass the time
occupied with independence
you set me off in a search for rhymes
but it’s too early to say it all
and there’s an ocean out there waiting
I’ll have more to come later
but if all the clouds combine and get out of the way
and if I told you the stars were mine
would you let me give them away to you?
back to top
You say we’ve got no future
And honestly, I see where you’re coming from
But there’s a case to be made
That love’s not only blind, but deaf and dumb
You’re holding against me
The reservations you had about the last guy
Or maybe something you read
In a magazine that was only an impulse buy
So say whatever you will
I’m feeling this way still
You don’t have to stay here
Just tell me the truth if you’re saying goodbye
I want to live with you in denial
A white picket fence, a house and two cars
I want to be the one that you were wrong about
But mostly I just want to be wherever you are
I’ve played your part before
Thought I was doing something new
Girl, you’re not an actress
You can stop pretending because no one’s handing out little golden statues
All the stars are out tonight
They’re not ashamed of what feels right
That’s what separates us
You say you don’t when you do, but I still want you
I want to live with you in denial
A white picket fence, a house and two cars
I want to be the one that you were wrong about
But mostly I just want to be wherever you are
I know you’re with him now
but seriously you can’t have hope
you’ve got his ring and name but just how long
do you plan to keep up this joke
I want to live with you in denial
A white picket fence, a house and two cars
I want to be the one that you were wrong about
But mostly I just want to be wherever you are
back to top
this may come as a surprise, it may reach you second-hand
but I’ve always known he was just a myth of a man
now I’m watching you for signs of duress
cause I hear you’ve been sleeping less and less
and you’re shouting proof of god and drinking to excess
for all the times you found
there was nowhere to go but down
a little heartache at first sight kept you hanging ‘round
I may trust you with my fear, or leave to you my dreams
cause you know sometimes even love looks like a get-rich-quick scheme
all the rainstorms can take a number
who needs the lightning when you’ve got the thunder?
you thought the sun was never coming out, but it’s just this cloud
you’ve been under
and for all the times you found
there was nowhere to go but down
a little heartache at first sight kept you hanging ‘round
you know every bad feeling passes,
given enough time or cheap champagne
lay your heart down on the floor,
rest your head among the clouds
forgive me for taking liberties
but I’m only thinking aloud
and for all the times you found
there was nowhere to go but down
a little heartache at first sight kept you hanging ‘round
back to top
we stood like wolves on the precipice
the masses were lacking but the rest of us
went out anyway
booths and tables for the demonstrators
cooking with solar powered generators
it’s 75 degrees today
but I’m 180 from you
it’s all sunglasses and baseball caps
suvs and arts and crafts
the rebel spirit’s been sterilized
armed with brochures and infomercials
every one more controversial
than the last but still sanitized
have I been made safe for you?
if I get in one good note today
it would be a big surprise
cause I can’t concentrate
I hear that green is all the rage
but I’m stuck here on a festival stage
legalization and save the whales
next to bonsai trees and painted shells
It’s barely concealing the darker side
you pay three dollars for a cup of ice
that’s the discounted, “think global, act local” price
the stage is the only place to hide
is it making me hide from you?
if I get you to notice what I say
it would be a big surprise
cause even I can’t concentrate
that sea of people is all the rage
but I’m stuck here on a festival stage
don’t dirty your hands with the work of a normal soul
don’t force me into choosing between the illusion
and the reality of you being adorable but never affordable
if I get in one good note today,
I might call it and go home
cause I'm watching you hang out in the shade
forgot the song I'm trying to play
and I'm stuck here on a festival stage
back to top
I went down to the wire
got caught up in superstitions and holy fires
some days you don’t believe anything you see
some days you feel like breaking, well that’s every day for me
and it’s so fine, listening to you talking
but I’m hearing things that aren’t there
we aren’t going anywhere, I think it’s just your shadow walking
maybe you made yourself a promise
those mistakes and bad judgments are trying to keep you honest
now your curiosity wants to take the lead
I never said it was what you want, only that it was what you need
and it’s so fine, listening to you talking
but I’m hearing things that aren’t there
we aren’t going anywhere, I think it’s just your shadow walking
but if it’s not there and you don’t think we could find it
understand a fool like me won’t stop looking,
thinking you are trying to hide it
and it’s so fine, listening to you talking
but I’m hearing things that aren’t there
we aren’t going anywhere, I think it’s just your shadow walking
back to top
thank you oh so very much
from the basement of my soul
you let me believe that it was real
and I learned the value of some self-control
you tell me you’re an amateur
but there’s no way it hit you hard
you made your mind up long ago
your feelings were the first thing to discard
I wish I could say I broke your heart
I turn on the stereo
Jenny Lewis sings the blues
wondering if he really loves her
but do you think she returns love with abuse
now we’re two separate entities
looking for a common cure
some days I’m close to understanding
but, god help me, most days I’m just trying to endure
I wish I could say I broke your heart
right now the kettle drums are pounding
the trumpets are sounding out a fanfare on the way to nowhere
there’s buffets lined with tea and cakes
to celebrate the mistakes I remade
on this self-inflicted crusade
I don’t think you left a lasting stain
though my heart’s still cracked and sprained
but I’ve got just the pill for you
a week from now they tell me I won’t feel anything
now there’s an echo of your voice
and it keeps getting louder
I’m running out of ideas
I guess I’ll light a match and fill the wound with gunpowder
I wish I could say I broke your heart
back to top
Leave that bland placeholder, his welcome’s overstayed
try your pretty hand at taming this here renegade
who stands before you owing to no other human heart
with a penchant for your pleasure and an addiction to the dark--
--recesses of your mind where tomorrow’s answers sleep
like the children that we are at twenty-one and twenty-three
cast aside your questions, they’ll be answered soon enough
let your body write the song that’s in my head when I wake up
I’ll be your umbrella for the rain the world unveils
I will know you better than you’ve ever known yourself
I’ll meet you in a café with a full espresso bar
and fall in love with you discussing Julio Cortazar
we’ll give away the money in our pockets when we leave
and I’ll kiss you every midnight like each day was new year’s eve
you say you never fit in, and you never felt accepted
you never felt desired before, but now you stand corrected
and if the pattern holds I’ll give you everything I have
it will be just like the Love Boat commanded by Captain Ahab
all those future holiday excursions that we’ll take
the sun can go to hell but tell the moon to stay awake
the New York City corner where we’ll flag a passing cab
to take us to a record store that isn’t on the map
and I will touch your smooth brown skin, its sanctity revealed
in the warm glow of the late night moonlight that’s been spilled
we’ll plan for our eternities before the morning’s here
we’ll evade responsibility as if it’s our career
the bonfire that we started is burning out, my dear
throw anything on the pile to get us through this year
we’ll make a valiant effort to keep up the charade
we’ll strain our eyes and try to claim the picture didn’t fade
we’ll fall out of love together somewhere around Halloween
and I’ll go as the saddest broken heart you’ve ever seen
I’ll remember how I loved you through the coming years of shame
I’ll remember how I love you long after you forget my name
back to top
Sliding down the highway and I'm trying to remember
Where I'm going, cause I've been floating by since the fifth of last November
But if an artist has no problems, then what has he really learned?
Is he worth the platinum record and four star reviews he hasn't earned?
Because peer pressure is a factor, one you try to take in stride
don't ask yourself the part it played in your heroes' suicides
your so-called friends will smile and say they think you have a shot
but you know your music's only as good as the last groupie that it got
The last girl that I met has a promise around her finger
and a 9 to 5 she wouldn't trade for any bar-room singer
so I stumble through the jungle of downtown at closing time
and I look for any wall to break or any girl to climb
til I find one with patience and other virtues to be named later
and we negotiate our contracts like we're professional baseball players
maybe she doesn't reinvent the wheel with each and every kiss
but that's just fine, I don't mind, I like the wheel the way it is
Heading down this highway, I don't remember where I'm going
but sometimes there is a comfort to be taken in not knowing
if you had the answer to every question in the universe
you might think it would solve your problems but it would only make it worse
so I'm pondering and driving with the cruise control on sixty
when I start to hum a Cure song, and then just like that, it hits me
it's funny how the brain works, and how far it will go
to try to make me forget I'm on my way to a show
Tonight I can play anything I want, so let me warn ya
if you only came to hear Freebird or Hotel California
I'm not a singing puppet and I'm not a dancing bear
and I'm not nervous or imagining you all in your underwear
I'm playing songs that point out failures in my history
and what's more human than enjoying someone else's misery
because it isn't always easy to unburden your soul
sharing yourself with other people is like giving them control
Then I begin to think, maybe that's the source of all my problems
When neuroses start to run my life, it's time for me to hobble them
Because it keeps me from connecting to another human being
and the benefit of trusting is something I'm not seeing
If a girl should try to tell me where it is her heart'll be
I put up walls to keep her out and respond like Bartleby
Then go onstage and sing songs for pretty waitresses
Though sometimes I've got to wonder if I even know what pretty is
Sliding down the highway when some maniac blows past me
And accelerates to run the light with both feet on the gas, he
may consider it an act of civil disobedience
but burning rubber ain't the same as blowing up parliament
maybe we should all put aside our insecurities and doubt
and just once let the world know we've been wronged and we'll speak out
cause rebellious acts should be concerned with setting something right
that's the aim of every artist-- Guy Fawkes never ran a red light
back to top
I don’t pretend to understand what happened
I just pretend to act like I don’t care
The truth is I’ve been tearing myself up inside
I’m just freshly turned earth tonight
Waiting for a body or a treasure to inter
I thought that I was keeping my hands up
to protect myself at all times
but there’s no lucky shots, you don’t throw out
any punch your fists don’t know about
now I’m sleeping on the canvas like a bum
there’s no use in going back
all the things I heard about the future
wrapped inside a promise, every one
but sometimes people change so much, they become strangers
such a blow is hard to see
and near impossible to overcome
there’s no use in going back
I don’t have the things you lack
I wish I could’ve been what you wanted
but those words did not ring true
for a moment we were golden, but
then gilded, and now folding up
and moving on’s the hardest, saddest thing to do
the honest part of me was happy
with the dishonest part of you
I would’ve lived that lie forever
I would’ve lived that lie forever
back to top
I hit bottom last september, how was I supposed to feel
from the autumn to december I was trying to rebuild
I got cleaned up in the new year, at least I want to think that’s true
filled my mind up with things to do here, learned to see your point of view
and so you want it different now
I will try to be the sum of everything that I have learned
everybody has their reasons, we’re all fragile underneath
they say you’re holy when you’re pleasing, wholly different when you leave
and if you want it back again
I can put the past away and open up to let you in
and all of the shadows come and go
the silhouettes of people we both knew once long ago
I have been waiting to start over
I have been waiting
there are forces here at work tonight, they are hidden in the air
the gift horses they’ve provided can be ridden anywhere
and I could keep digging for the answers
or simply say, “we’ll never know until we start taking chances”
and all of the shadows come and go
the silhouettes of people we both knew once long ago
I have been waiting to start over
I have been waiting
I have been waiting to start over
I’ve been waiting to get this right
back to top
they turned on the footlights
everybody watched as you came out
you were dressed in white
graceful and soft like the snow floating down and I
watched how you floated and danced and passed them by
the music was soaring
the socialites applauded in harmony
the other dancers adoring
they know every move you make’s like a guarantee you’ll stay
but the curtain must fall, the show will end some day
oh, ballerina
are you going to come out and take a final bow
oh, ballerina
the stage is empty, there’s nobody here but us now
they turned on the house lights
the audience spills out onto the street
it’s a chilled winter weeknight
for valets and cabbies and cold feet the show
is over, your name’s forgotten, and on they go
the janitor’s sweeping
the programs that were abandoned on every aisle
maybe I’m sleeping
or I stayed behind to see your smile again
cause I wanted to remember something besides the end
oh, ballerina
are you going to come out and take a final bow
oh, ballerina
the house is empty, it’s only me here now
back to top